Bewitched
by Sabreene
Summary: Combined prompt stories for the Anders BSN thread challenges, "Alternate Universe Anders" and "Pounce Turns Human". Titled Bewitched for obvious reasons, and yes, in this world Anders can twitch his nose.


_Author's Note: I don't own Dragon Age or Bewitched, or any characters therein. I'm only borrowing them for my own amusement. _

_Anders as Samantha Stevens_

_Darienne Tabris as Darren Stevens  
_

_Wynne as Endora_

_Varel as Larry._

_Pounce as Pounce.  
_

_Guest appearance by Leliana, as the head of Amaranthine Jewelery.  
_

* * *

Darienne Tabris Stevens felt good. The morning was bright and sunny, she could smell fresh coffee brewing and she had a terrific idea for their new advertising campaign. Plus, she hadn't seen her mother-in-law for over a month. Whistling, she stepped jauntily down the stairs, stopping to straighten her favorite suit jacket in the mirror. Perfect. She would wow the corporate heads of Amaranthine jewelers, she knew it. She took another step and went sprawling onto the floor.

"Owww, dammit!" Darienne knocked her head against the sideboard, and glared at the cat, licking its paw innocently in front of her. A tinkling sound made her look up. "Noo!" Her hand shot up grabbing the tottering bottle of bourbon before it came crashing down. "Pounce!" she growled at the cat. "Anders! Your cat is trying to kill me!"

The cat in question rubbed against her, purring and trying to climb into her lap. Great, now she had orange fur all over her best suit. "I'm not sitting here for you, I'm sitting her _because_ of you. There's a difference, cat." He just purred louder, turning over on his back for her to pet his stomach. She stood, trying to brush his fur from her clothes. "Anders – Do you know where the lint roller is?"

"Top shelf in the coat closet!" Anders' voice called down from somewhere upstairs.

Nudging the orange tom away from her shoes, she went to the closet. Right where he said it would be. Rolling away the fur, she made her way to the kitchen. At least she still had time for a cup of coffee. "Stay," she told the cat.

Of course, Pounce followed her. He wound his way in and out her legs and she nearly tripped again. Stupid cat, if only he could take instruction like a person. But no, try telling a cat anything. He mewed running between her and the cupboard as she tried to pour her coffee.

"Fine," she said, giving up. "I'll feed you. Just this once. You're supposed to ask him for food." She pointed up to the ceiling. Pounce just looked at her.

Fish, all fish. Why couldn't Anders buy something less smelly, like poultry or even better – dry cat food? She plucked one at random, and immediately broke a nail trying to lift the tab. She had to slide the edge of knife under the edge to pop it up, and then fought with the can, trying to pull the tab backwards. Stupid metal can. She gave it a hard yank.

"Hello, Danella," a voice said suddenly from right behind her, stern and disappointed, like one of the many nuns who'd schooled her.

Her arm jerked in surprise just as the cat food lid finally gave way. Bits of fish and oily fishy liquid spilled all down the front of her white shirt.

"Wynne," she responded, gritting her teeth. "What a nice surprise." She shook her fish covered hand over the sink, intentionally flicking a bit her mother-in-law's way. "I thought you were on vacation. In Hades."

"Now, child, you know it's much too warm this time of year." She eyed the mess dripping down Darienne's shirt. "Want me to get that for you?" Her fingers wiggled, the tips radiating little sparks of magic.

"No. I've told you before, we're not using spells in this house. We're going to live normal, average lives, just like everyone else."

"But, Daria, Anders isn't like everyone else. He's special. Have you truly considered what this costs him? It's a very, very selfish thing you're doing. I say this with your very best interests at heart, dear. We all have duties in life, and one must—"

"Anders! Your mother is here!" Darienne turned the sink faucet on full blast as Wynne continued talking. Then she turned on the garbage disposal. Her mother-in-law's voice became very small, but fed directly into her ears, as if she wore headphones with a direct line to the woman's harping. With a sigh, she shut everything off. "Anders!"

Wynne pursed her mouth, her chest heaving as if in great distress. "If you would just let him use magic, you wouldn't have to scream like that. So unladylike. And those clothes. Do you really think pants are the best look for you, Derriere? It makes you look so… boyish."

A muscle began to twitch in Darienne's jaw, and she crossed her arms. Pounce took the opportunity to jump into them, and began to lick the fish sauce off her shirt. Damn it all, if her husband didn't show up soon—

"Ahhh," Anders beamed, coming into the kitchen. "See, for once I didn't do it. But if you had waited, I would've. I know how you hate the smell of cat food, Dar." Pounce jumped from Darienne's arms straight into Anders, leaving tiny little pinpricks of blood from his claws. "Hello, Mother," Anders kissed her on the cheek. "How was your vacation?"

"Excellent, but it would've been so much better with you with me. Remember the broom races we used to have when you were a child? But I suppose you would be out of practice, what with your little no magic rule. Oh, and Solona asked after you. She's still as ravishing as ever. Much like me, when I was younger."

Darienne opened up her mouth to speak, but the ring of the phone cut her off. Glaring at Wynne, she dug her cellphone out of her pocket and flipped it open. "Varel? I know I'm running late, but I'll be there… What?"

"Cellphones," Wynne sighed. "So barbaric."

Darienne held up her hand for silence, listening intensely into the phone.

"Really Anders, look what she's reduced you to. You're wearing _jeans_. And your shirt is wrinkled. I know you think I lecture just to hear myself talk, but I was young once. I had my fair shares of affairs with…" she waved a disdainful hand towards Darienne. "But I didn't _marry_ them."

"You still could find one of," he waved a very suggestive hand Darienne's direction, "and remedy that error. It's your loss."

"I don't like to see her controlling you."

"We've had that talk before, you know what I say to that."

"You and your bedroom talk. Just like your father. If I had a dime for every time he asked me to wear high heels and walk—"

"Shhh!" Darienne was glaring at both of them, with a finger plugged in one ear and the phone up to the other.

"See? Controlling."

"She's not. She's really quite sweet." Anders smiled wider the more Darienne's brows drew together. "And, it might help things if you called her by her proper name."

"Hmmph. We'll see." Wynne gave a dramatic wave of her arms and with a flash, disappeared from the kitchen.

Darienne clicked the phone shut. "Is she gone? Varel's decided to pick me up, and I've got to go change."

"I could help," Anders lifted an eyebrow, untucking the front of her shirt.

"I don't have time," she laughed as his fingers tickled her waist. "I'm late as it is."

"I could help with that and then you wouldn't be late…" A small blue glow surrounded Anders' hand as he kissed the side of her neck.

"You are so bad."

"I try," Anders smirked.

"No. We're going to be normal," she sighed, taking his hand. "One more thing – we have to entertain the president of Amaranthine jewelry and her husband tonight. I don't have time – do you think you could put something together? Pretty please?"

"Of course. I don't have class until tomorrow."

"You know I'm really proud of you for getting your degree, instead of just…" she wiggled her fingers, "whipping one up."

"I know. Now go get changed." He shooed her out of the kitchen, giving a mournful look at the mess covering the floor.

A loud thump and a growl of frustration came from the stairs. "Dammit, Pounce!" he heard Darienne yell from the other room.

Anders looked again at the fish strewn all over the floor and then up at the ceiling. One little spell wouldn't hurt. He gave a little smirk and a wiggle of his nose. The stink of fish dissipated from the air, and the kitchen returned to its previously spotless state. He sighed contentedly and poured himself a cup of coffee. After a sip, he poured another into a travel mug. His hand froze as he tightened the lid. That thump hadn't sounded like the mad stomping of a petite woman.

Another thump came from the ceiling, followed by a loud crash as something smashed into the wall.

"ANDERS!"

He didn't bother taking the stairs, instead with a wiggle and a flash he popped into the upstairs bedroom. What he saw made his jaw drop.

"Anders! Get him out of here!" Darienne was backed into the corner in her bra, one hand holding up her trousers, the other holding a large glass vase. The desk was knocked over, along with two chairs. Shards of porcelain were strewn about the room, the highest concentration centered on the sleek, well-muscled man standing by the door. Well-muscled _naked_ man.

He said the only thing he could think of. "Uhh… what?"

Darienne pointed at the naked man, shaking the vase, "Him! Get him out of here!"

"Who is he?"

"He tried to lick my shirt!"

Anders looked from one to the other, trying to comprehend the situation. "What?"

"That. Is. Your. Damn. Cat." Darienne gritted the words out. "Get. Rid. Of. Him."

"My cat?" Anders blinked. "Pounce?"

The man looked at him. He could see it now. The ginger hair, the lithe muscled body. The well-endowed… Hunh. He guessed proportionally that was about right, percentage-wise. He'd just never expected to see it displayed quite so dramatically.

Pounce had Darienne's shirt in his hands, and began rubbing his face against it making little mewing sounds. He sent a flare of magic toward the cat. Man. Whatever. Nothing happened. He gathered up more strength, and sent it out again. This time a faint glow lit up around Pounce, but still nothing changed. The cat noticed he was in the room, bounding over and giving a leap towards his shoulders. Anders grunted, nearly falling to the floor. A naked man climbing his shoulders was really not the way he thought he'd spend this morning.

"Pounce, no! Down! Ack, not my ear!" Anders had to kneel down and scramble out backwards out from underneath the cat. Man. Darienne was shaking with laughter.

"Stay," he told Pounce, slowly backing away with his hand out.

"That's what I told him this morning, and look what happened to me."

"Uhh… good point. I'll take care of this, don't worry. There's a cup of coffee for you by the door."

"Anders…"

"Yup, it has cream and sugar."

"Not what I was going to say."

Anders shrugged, "Doesn't make it any less true."

"Thank you. But this… you'll have it sorted by the time I bring the clients home? I don't think they'd understand…" They both turned to look at Pounce. His collar had magically sized with him, and he wore a black band with little white fish bones around his neck. He was also licking his hands and wiping back his hair, as if he hadn't just fallen ungracefully off Anders' shoulders.

"Don't worry. Got it." Anders tried to take the man/cat's hand, but Pounce refused. He shouldn't be surprised. As a real cat he didn't like anyone picking up his paw either.

"Come here, Pounce, c'mon." Anders backed into the hall, but now Pounce was ignoring him. A quick glance to Darienne showed she had her back to him, trying to edge into the shower. Anders wiggled his nose, and a plastic pouch of cat treats appeared in his hand. He shook the pouch invitingly. "C'mon, Pounce, treats."

The red-haired man gave a strange hurrring sound in the back of his throat, almost as if he had something stuck and was trying to bring it up. Anders didn't know whether to laugh or be disgusted. Humans just weren't equipped to purr. The man trotted over and sat at his feet, looking up expectantly.

"Good kitty," Anders patted his head awkwardly. "C'mon, downstairs."

…

"Mother!" Anders called, looking around the room. Pounce was curled up on the couch, eating the cat treats like they were potato chips. "Mother!"

Wynne popped onto the mantel, sitting with her ankles crossed demurely. "You called?"

"What did you do to Pounce?"

"Ahh, your little girl not quite as sweet and forgiving as you thought?"

"Change him back."

"I will not. Not until you admit she's controlling you. Manipulating you go to that human school to get some piece of paper showing you can heal. You are the best healer I've ever seen. You could be among the greats, could have your choice of castles or clouds, your pick of every witch this side of the Atlantic. Including Atlantis."

"Change him back."

Wynne turned her head, looking the other way. Pounce looked from one to the other, meowing at their distress.

"He's cat, not a human. He doesn't know what is happening." The man/cat butted his head against Anders hand. "If you won't do it for Darienne, then do it for Pounce."

"Fine." Wynne waved her hands. "There."

Anders looked to Pounce. He was unchanged.

"You didn't do anything."

"No? Hmmm. Have fun!"

"Mother!" Anders looked around the room, but she was gone.

…

"Everything looks so small," a silky masculine voice said, deep and faintly accented. "And I'm so big. Human."

Oh no. Anders turned, a sickening feeling in his stomach. "Pounce?"

"Yes, that was my name when I was a cat. Sir Pounce-a lot. Is it because I would pounce on things? How curious. What does Anders mean?"

"I… don't know."

"I remember being a cat." Pounce stood, pacing the room and picking up objects. "But it is like a dream. The colors were different. The smells… you don't smell the same anymore. You were… different. Or was I different?"

"Pounce," Anders took a step toward him. He'd preferred the non-talking Pounce. This was just too strange.

"You owned me. We had a bond. I remember." The ginger haired man stretched, and then ran his hands down his chest. "I like this body."

"Uhh.. yeah. Maybe we should get you some clothes."

"Clothes instead of fur. And you can change them at any time. Your mate. Darienne. She yelled at me." He gave a very cat-like smile, it looked almost sinister on the man's face. "Humans don't let other humans yell at them."

"They do have arguments," Anders correctly, feeling uneasy. These couldn't be the thoughts his cat had. What had his mother done to Pounce?

A sharp knock came from the door, and it swung open with hardly a pause.

"Oh, hello Anders," a grey haired man smiled from the doorway, "Is Darienne ready yet?"

"Hi Varel. Uhm… she should be. She was just changing."

"Yes, she spilled my cat food down her blouse when the mother witch scared her."

"Mother witch? Cat food? Anders, who is this?"

"Sorry, Varel, this is… my cousin, Paul. From out of the country. Canada. He's visiting."

"Oh. Nice suit."

Pounce looked down at himself. "Thank you." He turned to Anders, "That is what you say?"

"Yes," Anders smiled, shrugging his shoulders at Varel. "He's from French Canada."

"Anders just made the suit for me when you opened the door."

"Oh," Varel's brows drew together in confusion. "French Canada, you say?"

"Yes, a very remote part. Darienne! Varel is here!" Anders smiled at the older man who was now being circled by Pounce.

"You smell different too. Everyone smells different."

"You might want to hurry, Dar! I've already introduced him to my cousin, Paul. From Canada. The one with the _cats_!"

Darienne bounded down the stairs, shoes in one hand, tucking in her shirt with the other.

"Hi Varel, look at the time! We better go."

"Uhh… yes." Varel's stared openly as Pounce lifted every shoe from the shoe rack and smelled it.

"Your computer." Anders smiled, handing her briefcase over. "Bye Varel."

"Yes… See you tonight." He walked out the door, and then popped his head back in. "Will your cousin be joining us?"

"I… don't know. He might leave for my mother's."

"Ahh," the man nodded and Anders waved him out, closing the door behind him.

"Paul. I like that name. What does it mean?"

"I don't know, Pounce."

"Paul. Can I have cats? That would be interesting. Can you turn them into humans also? Oh!" his face lit up. "Can you turn… I don't know her name, only her smell. Curious. As a human I think of her as a black cat, with a green collar. Can you turn her into a human? We have nice matings."

"Uh… no." Thank god Pounce was wearing clothes now. He did not want to see that reaction in full living flesh. The man actually looked better in his suit than he did. But, Anders consoled himself, he had the better hair.

"Why not? You don't share mates. I will need one of my own."

"How about some pie? You've never tasted pie as a cat." He was going to kill his mother when he saw her.

"Okay."

Anders went into the kitchen, pulling out the last bit of apple cobbler from the night before. "Here, try this…" He stopped.

Pounce wasn't there. He ran out into the living room, cursing to himself. The door was open. There wasn't a sign of Pounce anywhere.

…

"So, as you can see," Darienne said, smiling at the suited men and women at the table, "this will appeal to both the television market and the internet."

Varel stood up as she sat down, "Our best advertiser and marketer. You are in the best hands. She was responsible for the Vigil Insurance commercial that went viral last month."

"I didn't like that," a voice said from the doorway, smooth and deeply masculine.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't stop him," a small man said, rushing in the room.

"Darienne? Isn't this Anders' cousin?" Varel nodded the assistant away, "It's fine. Darienne, did you want to speak to your relative _outside_?"

"Yes, yes, sorry, excuse me." Darienne tugged Pounce outside the conference room. "What are you doing here? How did you get here?"

"A cab brought me." He pulled a credit card and some sticky candy from his pocket. "I used this. I like taffy."

"Good. Don't move." She pulled her cell phone from her pocket. "He's here," she said, smiling and nodding as people walked by. "Your cousin. Paul. Here. At my office. No. Yes. I don't care. He's…" She looked around. Crap. Where had he… oh no. "Just get here, I don't care how you do it. He's talking to Leliana Amaranthine, and fondling her jewelry."

Snapping the phone shut she rushed back into the conference room, and gripped Pounce's arm tightly in her fist. "I'm sorry Leliana, he's from out of town. Way out of town, out of the country in fact. If he has—"

"No, no. He's been quite entertaining. It's not often I meet an incredibly handsome man with hair as red as my own." She smiled charmingly, placing her own hand on Pounce's other arm. "He's just said the most marvelously sweet things about my jewelry line. I've asked him to dine with us – I hope you don't mind. He is staying at your house?"

"Yes, and of course I don't mind." She spotted Anders through the glass doors, smoothing back his blonde ponytail nervously. She knew that look, the 'did anyone notice I came out of nowhere' look. Well, if there was any time to use magic, this was it. She glanced towards the back of the room, where Leliana's husband stood, completely removed from what was going on around him, fingers tapping over his cellphone. One small mercy. She wouldn't like to see the man mad. Leliana's tinkling laugh drew her attention.

"Oh, you are so clever. I've never heard anything so clever, have you Darienne?"

"No, very clever. Leliana, have you met my husband, Anders? Paul is his cousin. And… I think he'll be taking Paul home now?" She gave Anders a significant glance.

"Yes, I will." Anders nodded over the red-haired woman's hand, and she tittered delightedly.

"I see the family resemblance. Two such handsome men."

"Thank-you," Anders gave her a smile and then turned to his wife. "I'm sorry, I told Paul I'd show him where you worked, but I'm afraid he got ahead of me in the lobby. We'll be going now."

"But I will see you both tonight? I believe he's integral to my little campaign."

Anders exchanged a glance with Darienne. "Of course."

…

"I like her. She sparkles. She smells ready to mate."

Anders sighed to himself. I'm sure she does, he thought. "Maybe, but you can't mate with her. She has a husband. A mate."

"She smells ready."

"I don't care, Pounce. No matter what she smells like, her mate is sitting right next to her. So, no. Leave her alone."

"Paul." Pounce corrected.

"Paul." Anders slumped against the counter. He couldn't believe this was his cat. Were humans intrinsically annoying, or was this truly Pounce's personality, given a voice? That was a depressing thought. There was no affection in this man, none of the sweet nature he'd always associated with his cat.

"Just a moment," he heard Darienne's voice from the other room, it was sugary sweet and he could almost hear the fake smile in it, "And I'll be right back with desert. Yes, and Paul."

The door swung open. "Any luck?"

"No, she's not answering."

Darienne leaned her forehead against his chest and he kissed the top her hair, wrapping her close in his arms.

"This is a disaster. I think Varel's head is about to explode."

"It'll be okay."

She looked up at him, her finely boned face concerned. "Do you think I'm holding you back?"

"No." Anders cupped her jaw, kissing her lips soft and warm. "I think you're lifting me up. I've had all that. I want you." She melted into him, and their kiss became breathless, tingling to the very tips of his toes and more magic than any spell.

"Mmmm, do that again and I might start to believe you," she murmured, rubbing her nose with his.

"Pounce," he said, pulling away.

"What?"

Delighted laughter filtered through the door, followed by Pounce's distinctly husky voice.

"Oh!" someone gasped, followed by the unmistakable sound of a fist connecting with someone's face. They flung the door open just in time to see Pounce jump up onto his feet, holding the side of his face with a shocked expression. He pulled back his fist to strike the other man, just as Anders caught his arm.

"Your cousin accosted my wife!" the tall man blustered, ignoring the buzzing of his cellphone, his face redder than Pounce's hair.

"And you were so valiant, coming to my rescue," Leliana stood on her tiptoes and kissed her husband's cheek. "You were like a white knight. So… virile." She rubbed her hand up and down his arm, eyes sparkling. "Could you bring the car around? I think I'd like to leave."

"Okay," the man grumbled, but the angry redness had faded into a pleased flush, and he strode from the room like a peacock with its tail feather's spread.

"I'm so sorry, I apologize for…"

"Hush, there's no need. I had a wonderfully pleasant evening. I haven't seen him so riled up in… well, I don't know how long. I'm looking forward to the rest of the night," she winked at Darienne and eyed Anders, "I'm sure you know what I mean."

"He hit me." Pounce said.

"I'm sorry," Leliana leaned in and kissed Pounce's hurt cheek. "But you were very sweet. And don't worry, you had my account after the first sixty seconds. I'll send over the contracts in the morning."

"I… oh. Thank you."

"You have two delightful men here. I'm almost jealous. Of course, I don't know who to be jealous of, you or them." Her hand reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from Darienne's face. "Delightful. And goodnight, Varel."

Varel opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again, watching Leliana leave the room. "I… you…" he shook his head. "Don't be late tomorrow."

"He hit me," Pounce repeated. "It hurt."

"It does that," Anders said, wryly.

"It was unpleasant. And she wouldn't mate."

Anders didn't answer him. He checked the front windows. All the cars were gone.

"Mother! Mother, if you don't show yourself right now, I'm going to Irving. And I know how much you like me to spend time with my father."

"Oh, alright." Wynne said from behind him. "Spoilsport. I'm only trying to teach that Deiena a lesson. She won't listen to reason. But now you see – when it's something important to her, when her job is on the line, does she care if you use magic? No, it's only when you want to use magic that she says no. Did I ever tell you the story of—"

"Yes. You did. Whatever story it is. And she's standing right here. Now please, please just change him back."

"She should apologize to me."

"I should apologize to you?" Darienne spluttered.

"I don't want to be a human." Pounce said.

"Everyone just stop. Mother, you may have my best interests at heart but right now what is best for me is Darienne. Darienne, she really is trying to be helpful, believe it or not. And Pounce, you _are_ a cat. And you make an awful human."

"Really, Anders. Have you forgotten everything?" Wynne shook her head at her son. "You should know a cat can't be a human. He can be a cat that looks like a human, or a he can be a human that is made out of a cat. He can't be both."

"I am human." Pounce said.

"You are. You are human created from the body of a cat. You are not a cat. The form only retains the memory and personality that lingers in the body, and even that fades. The more time that passes… Well." She threw up her hands. "This is what you get for living in the mortal world. You should _know_ this."

"Ah. Right. I forgot."

"I'm Paul. I won't be cat. I'm going to…"

The suit of clothes fell to the floor.

"I was getting a little tired of him," Wynne shrugged.

A lithe orange cat leapt out from the dress shirt, running straight for Anders. He jumped into Anders lap, circling anxiously and then settling down, purring with loud satisfaction.

Darienne sat down next to him, scratching under Pounce's chin. "I promise I'll never yell at you in the mornings again. And I'll feed you as often as you want, as long as it's not fish. And I won't even care when you get fur all over my good clothes."

"Well. I guess I did a little bit of good here. You don't have to thank me. I'll just assume it's implied." With a wave of her hands and a dramatic puff of smoke Wynne was gone.

"I will expect you to vacation with me next year," her voice came out of nowhere. "You can bring the cat."

"And Darienne," Anders called back to the air.

No reply came.


End file.
